...and hidden passageways, stairwells and compartments...

I'll be the first to admit that I have purposely not looked into my own heart and tried to lock it down tight many a time. Sometimes, it just seems too painful to look; bring out the contents and have them massacred right in front of me. (Me? Bitter? Nah....LOL) I'll be the first to admit that I haven't kept to the credo of 'Love like you've never been hurt before.'

I honestly don't know how many rooms there is to my heart - I don't know if it's possible for anyone to ever really know. I know that there is definitely a room for the cats - and perhaps another for animals in general (perhaps it's really just a cordoned off portion of the same room). Everyone lives comfortably in this room, it expands as needed.

Another room is set aside for those in the past - Banny; Lilith, Aullie...my grandparents who have moved on into the next realm, old friends I haven't seen in years...Trixie's Black Magic. I try not to let this room get stale and dusty but every now and then, it does. I think that's part of being human. Sometimes this room is flooded with tears but that's also part of being human - every flood washes away the old; the decayed and allows new growth to take hold.

One room is in flux - I don't know sometimes whether to leave it open or to close it and move on. That room is set aside especially for my dad and grandmother - after all these years of basically no contact, I don't always know how to proceed especially when it's said that I am a part of the family yet when the future is discussed it is always, "I,I,I,I" and hardly ever "we,we,we,we". I want a relationship with them - but on my terms...I think. This room also gets flooded sometimes and just gets filled with flotsam at times. I think it needs some new growth in there...

There is a room here that sometimes gets lost in the shuffle - it's the one that is set aside for fellow man and beings. It's the room that is like the Forest of Weyreth (I hope I spelled that right) - you usually don't find it, it finds you. I guess another name for this room is 'Conscience' - and perhaps not everyone has one but I don't know how they live without it.

There is a room set aside especially for friends - and right now, it feels kind of empty. L. is here of course and perhaps M.M...

There is the big room, set off to side, for the 'Big G' -God/dess, Creator, the Big Kahuna...this room isn't always comfortable to be in. Truth is always spoken here - even if it isn't always heard. Sometimes the love in this room seems to be more than can be bared - and sometimes so can the truth. Still, it's a room I can't live without - although I've tried.

Here's to finding more rooms.