May 30, 2001 The mood at the moment is: Fun, useless thing to try: Go into MS Word and open any document. Type =rand(200,99). (Actually, the number doesn't matter ~ try a lesser number, like (10,5) or the like. Otherwise it will go on and on for pages). Oh boy ~ the idiots are out again. Channel 17 news reported a story about a chihuahua that was found in Nashville ~ it's head and throat had been shaved and 'satanic' symbols had been painted on it. Nashville police proclaimed that it was prepartory to the animal being sacrificed. According to one officer's interview, they looked the symbols up in, and I quote, 'a book that I have' and they matched. One of the symbols was alledgedly called :::insert melodramatic music here 'baum baum baaaaaummmmmmmm'::: 'the horns of Death'. I hope that 'the book the officer has' wasn't the one that they showed a page from on the news because the script was far from satanic ~ it was angelic, also called enochian. Here is an example of it: I feel sorry for the chihuahua for what it's gone through...and I almost feel sorry for everyone else for not knowing any better but it's not like the info isn't out there. Walk into any bookstore and it's easily accessable nowadays. There's even a handbook written specifically for law enforcement. I don't feel sorry at all for the people who did that to a dog ~ that's not satanism, that's just plain stupid. GET A CLUE, PEOPLE!!! Now I've gone and accidentally frightened and confused the kittens. I threw Spook and Boo out of the house for breaking my favorite dinner plate (never mind that I got it for .60 and I can get another one ~ it's the principle of the thing!) Broke it right in half. Now all the kittens are sitting very quietly, like a bunch of kids who's just witnessed one of their own get punished. In a way...it's kind of funny. It's as if they're all saying, "We didn't do it!!!!" I had a bizarre thought today ~ what if we had to run an intervention on my mom because her dish collecting got out of hand? (Wait a minute...at this rate, it doesn't seem to be that bizarre after all!) The following is a dramatization ~ no dishes were harmed in the production of this entry.

ET&T Theater Presents:

We all gather in the living room of my mother's house ~ friends and sisters, concerned about what has been going on. We are gathered to do an intervention. I think I was the first to notice that there may be a problem with all those binge weekends that sometimes started on Thursday. Many a time, it happened right in front of me. We didn't invite her friend this time ~ two addicts would only serve to give one another strength in their denial.

Everyone is here. It begins.

I stand up to address the crowd. There are people sitting everywhere ~ on the couch; in chairs, on chair arms, even on the floor. Some of the more adventurous are sitting on the little black and red table that is probably 50 years old. "Thank you all for coming today. I appreciate it very much."

I turn to my mother as I say, "Momma, I know you're wondering why all these people are here."

"Well, yeah..."

"I called them here because we're worried about you. We think that you have a problem ~ we think that you are an addict and that it is getting out of hand."

"Oh come on! You make it sound as if I am addicted to crack or something."

"Well, at this rate, it could turn into something just as bad. I'm worried about you. It's all you talk about...and then there's all the sales every weekend."

"You're there with me a lot of the time!"

"Not lately. Besides, that isn't the point ~ it's what you buy at these sales. Blue; red, white ~ even pieces when the whole thing isn't available. You end up spending all your money on it and then you talk about how you're going to get the money for more..."

Someone else stands up. The woman looks around the room before she says, "It's true. Every time you call me, it's Pyrex this or Fire King that...I don't even know what a 'Fire King' is." Somewhere to my left, I hear someone mutter, "Why can't she be a drug addict like everyone else? You know, I don't know if she's ever been right in the head!"

"Momma, you've got to admit that you have a problem..."

"I do not have a problem. I simply like to collect dishes. How can that be a problem?"

"Look at this house ~ there isn't any space left in it! You sleep in the living room because all the others are filled to the ceiling with dishes! Refrigerator bowls, casserole dishes, mugs, measuring cups ~ you don't even cook that much! When is it going to stop ~ when you're sleeping in the car because you can't get into your house??"

"Don't be silly! I can quit buying dishes at any time!"

"Momma, the guy at the Wagon Wheel has your home phone number. He says that you're the reason he stays in business and that he just about doesn't need any other customers. Thanks to you, he's nearly a millionaire."

"Oh, he's just a senile old man!"

Someone walks in with a box filled with paper. As we look inside, we can see that it is filled with receipts from many, many antique malls. All of them have a variation on the same theme ~ 'this' bowl or 'that' dish. All have recent dates on them...the evidence seems undeniable.

Another person stands up. "You've got to get a hold on yourself! Can't you see what you're doing to your family??" Again, I hear someone mutter, "Yeah, driving them insane!"

"I can quit anytime!"

"Prove it!" I pick up a nearby dish. "Give this dish away to someone in this room."

I hand the dish to her and watch her hand it to her sister who sits nearby. She looks at me triumphantly until she hears me say, "I hope you enjoy your new dish and put it to good use." That's when we all crowd in and try to comfort my mother ~ and wonder if there's a 12 step program for Pyrex and Fire King addicts.