Hello out there,

I apologize (yet again) for not keeping this journal going as it deserves. It seems that I fell into a period of time where the words wouldn't come, or there just wasn't much to say or it just slipped my mind because I was busy on something else...yadda yadda yadda.

So. Let me play catch up here for a minute. I've begun two online classes - a stone healing class and the e-class for the first degree of Correllian Wicca from the Daily Goddess folks. I've always been fascinated by traditions (must be a holdover from all those past lives in the clergy), plus it's time to begin learning again. I think I will have plenty of time to complete at least the first degree if I decide to implement an idea I have. I'll get to that later.

(I did a bit of a no-no in the journal realm - I took a break to bring Kitt in. He and Mooch (an obviously spoiled feline who thinks I ought to spoil him as badly as his other folks) were having a Staring Contest. I think that if Kitt wants to win, he ought to start cheating like Conan O'Brien. At the moment, Kitt is sitting on my shoulder - he's not getting enough attention apparently. I'm rather surprised he went out in the first place since he's gone somewhat into 'summer potato' mode. That's where he lays in front of the fan, getting up only to eat, drink or go to the litterbox. What a life.)

Anyway, getting back to the main jist of this whole thing. Looking back over my past journal entries, both off- and online, I've noticed the change that has come over me. I can actually see the slide into depression, culminating in the drop in entries in both journals. Somewhere along the line, I fell into the mistaken belief that I must adapt my life to 'fit in' and not to make others uncomfortable and unhappy.

But now I'm uncomfortable. I'm unhappy. I'm uncomfortable and unhappy with this life. I'm uncomfortable and unhappy with this body. I'm uncomfortable and unhappy with the people that are in my life at the moment. It's a state that I've been in a long time and actually tried to make it work. I've tried to be vanilla when I feel more like rocky road.

So. What now? Hell if I know. I'm not even sure where my art fits into all this at the moment - technically, it's still there but it's just not...spirited. It's as dry and husk-y as I feel. I've been playing with sculpy and woodcarving to see if I could make staves and wands for future events and there are some possibilities. Still, I feel that I need a new start.

Which brings me to this idea of mine. It's been in the back of my mind for years - and lately, it's come more and more to the forefront. I used to spend at least three hours a day out in the woods as I was growing up and that later led to hiking and backpacking - which was one of the things that unfortunately got put away in the vanilla life. The idea is this: I want to start training for the AT. (That's the Appalachian Trail for those not in the know.) It'll take about two years, maybe - maybe more - to get ready for it. I'll have to...:::shudder::: take a steady job to save for it and to replace equipment. I'll have to get into shape (although from the research I've done so far, the best way to prepare for the Hike is to hike)...

There's a part of me that is tremendously excited about the prospect of this. Another part of me is apprehensive: Can I do this? Am I capable? Am I getting lost in a daydream? Granted, there are years between now and then - the only thing I can say is that I'll have to take it one day, one step, at a time. I'll hike as far as I can. If I fall, I'll get up. If I sprain an ankle, I'll hobble. It's all I can do.

Here's to the beginning of the journey.