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Moon Phase = To be honest, I've lost track with
all the cloud cover lately | Weather = waiting for the tomatoes to stew on the vine | Current books = none!
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July 22, 1998
I had an incredible dream - mere words cannot do justice.
I don't even know how to describe all the stuff that is happening to me right now. I suppose I'll just use my dream teacher's explanation - I'm so open to new knowledge and intent on getting back on my life's path that things have just gone wild.
(Geez - that's a loud katydid outside.)
A difficult topic has been repeatedly coming up during all this growth. (Elizabeth says that growth can only occur when a person is outside their comfort zone - otherwise, there's no reason to change.) That topic is sex. It has always been difficult for me to talk about it - parental discomfort notwithstanding. It is very nearly a 'non-subject' with my parents. I remember when my mother decided that she was going to tell me about the birds and bees when I was in my early teens (!) - she asked me, "What do you know about sex?" to which I made a very bad move...I replied, "What do you want to know?" That led to an all day fight where I was accused to all sorts of stuff and it ended with, "If you get pregnant, I'll kill you." (I didn't even lose my virginity until I was 18).
I have never understood why people put such a heavy emphasis on sex - or on hetero - sexuality, in particular. Such much pressure put on such a natural, simple thing. What does it truly matter who is involved - male or female? Isn't love...love?
I will admit that I do have some curiosities about sex - some that may be considered downright kinky by some. I don't know if I would be able to carry through with exploring some of those curiosities or not - knowing myself, I would probably either freeze up or have a panic attack. lol. Or I may just go through with it. I suppose it really depends on who was offering - and how well I knew them.
I have to admit that I don't subscribe to the same theory that some of my friends do, that being 'Sex is like pizza - when it's bad, it's still pretty good.' I can say with authority that is bullshit. Sex can be downright boring. It can be painful. Sex isn't a thoroughly physical business, in my book, either. For it to be really good heart, mind and body have to all be involved.
I know I've said it before - it's been so long since I've had sex I'd probably explode next time, if there is a next time. Who am I to say? I do know that there is a lot of healing that needs to be done in this area...but I don't know anyone alive who can say otherwise.
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