Moon Phase =waxing toward 1st quarterWeather = Hot. Very Hot. Forget the milk -
Cows are curdling		Current books = Dreamwalker - Mary SummerRain
Quote: "Tell me - do they still sing songs of the 'Great Tribble Hunt'?"
- Odo to Worf, Deep Space Nine

August 27, 1998

Well...this has turned into an interesting day. I went to move the yard and the handle fell off the mower. The E rings that hold the handle on were nowhere to be seen. Lisa wanted me to call her and I can't find her number anywhere in this house or in the car and now I have stomach cramps like you wouldn't believe (only partly caused by that monthly visitor that all women know and love).

On the plus side, I got to play with Kitt and the kittens. I got to see the sun (I forgot to check for what Art Bell was talking about last night, though - he was commenting about how the sun seems to be white now instead of its familiar yellow color. I should ask Elizabeth about that.) I discovered some wonderful purple wildflowers as I went to get the mail and one of the kittens insisted on repeatedly jumping up on my neck and attempting to lick it and my left ear to nubs. It tickled so much I had goosebumps!

There's been an electromagnetic storm lately and I think it's still going on. I'm not sure though. I think I'll go out tonight and see if the Aurora Borealis can be seen. I've seen it this far south (Tennessee) before - the last time, there was a huge red circle taking up much of the northern sky with a bluish squiggle to the right of it.

...and now on to tonight's Journal Jar question:

What beliefs do you hold on to that get in the way of your learning?


This is a big question in my book - I struggle with some of these beliefs. A main belief is one that I cannot stand, yet it has lodged its ugly little self into my brain:

Don't be such a know-it-all. No one likes it if you show them up all the time. Just try to be like everyone else.


I heard this constantly when I was growing up. I think that I've finally gotten over it and then I find myself holding back in class (or whereever) sometimes, not wanting to call attention to myself. It's especially clear (to me anyway) in my Sound Color and Light class when we have to do the sounds. When I'm alone and practicing these sounds, I do them loud! and even raise cones of power with them. In class, I find myself holding back, not willing to project at all; carry the group when it falters or even be heard the least bit over the rest. Call me in front of the class to do a sound...and I get really nervous. I'm torn between doing really bad and...standing out by doing really well. It really bothers me. Someone could ask a question to my face and I find myself stumbling along - a lot of the time, knowing the answer and not able to answer for fear that I may get yelled at for being 'bigger than my britches'. Isn't that a silly thing to tell a person? ...and has anyone actually gotten bigger than their britches just for knowing the answer to a question?

I'm finding that alot of these nasty beliefs have their source in my childhood. It's not that I had a bad childhood - it's just that some of the stuff I got out of it was bad. (What was it that someone told me? "Childhood is nothing more than something to occupy us while we wait to grow up enough to get on with our lives." I don't know if I believe that or not...) What is bad is that potential is being wasted because of this stupid stuff. (..and just so you know, I'm not talking about my potential!) I'm talking about the ones who passed it on to me!

Alright - here's an experiment. For the next week, I am going to try not to fall under the spell of this belief. I'm going to act as if it doesn't exist at all. Let's see how this goes - should be interesting.

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