Today was another good day - two in a row. Could a trend be developing?

Tomorrow, I'm going to avail myself of a free screening for depression - may as well get the suspense over with. The price is right, too. I haven't told anyone that I'm going to do it...I just didn't want to hear it. It's my life, my emotional state. I'll do what I see fit.

I had a little revelation this morning...or perhaps I just think too damn much. I have really been pulling away from religion of all kinds lately - including my own. It just doesn't fit right anymore, or so I thought. Anyway, the revelation that came this morning came quietly - as quiet as an owl flying by.

I'm really pissed at God. Goddess. Me. Whoever the hell is in charge.

All these questions came up - why now...why here...why this damned century...just plain why??? I've found myself not able to believe in the god of my parents: kind, loving, the shepherd of us poor sheep (blaaaaaaaa!!), yet totally willing to cast anyone into a fiery pit for the least misstep. In other words, contrary to the point of schizophrenia.

It is also hard for me to grasp the Pagan God/dess many a time: sometimes no more than an Archetype, sometimes as real as what Kitt leaves in the litterbox and always what you imagine Him/Her to be - no matter the name. Even my own Patron.

All in all - one of the main questions I have is: "Will the real god please stand up??" I'm tired of all the rhetoric.

I think the best thing for me to do is to just let it all go - don't worry about it (as if I was really worried about it to begin with) and just let it all hang out, so to speak. We'll work it all out later. I'm going to watch Conan.