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Moon Phase = waning half | Weather =Sunny, breezy and comfortable | Current reading = Belinda - Anne Rice
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Quote: "Be real with me. Don't try to get on my 'good side' 'cause I don't have one - I'm round, so to speak..."
- me
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October 12, 1998
Had to take a day or two off - I tried writing on the 10th and absolutely nothing happened. Ah well - it happens.
Went to the flea market with S. and B. yesterday - bought 3 books:Cry to Heaven, Belinda and The Mysterious West. I also got 8 red grapefruit and an aloe.
Afterwards, we went to Cedar Forest (Cedars of Lebanon to everyone else) for lunch. We ended doing a lot of walking afterwards, which made me happy because it was in mostly in deep woods. We walked part of the Hidden Springs Trail and we went to Jackson Cave. the opening to it was bigger than I remembered. All in all, it was a good day.
I've been thinking of adding on to my name. The energy of it needs to change. The name that keeps coming to me is Morningstar. In my mind, it has a bit of a puckish quality to it...the Morningstar is the nickname of the angel who formed an army to storm heaven. It would seem to me, when I read the stories, that he was willing to risk everything too reach his goal. (That is a good quality to have, in my book.) In the end, although he didn't get exactly what he strove for, he did become the master of his own realm. That is exactly what I am trying to do, with myself - master all the parts of me - mentally; physically, spiritually, emotionally and become a whole, healthy person. The morningstar is also the last object in the morning to be seen before being outshone by the sun. Sometimes it is Venus, sometimes it is Jupiter.
Of course, looking at this from the Pagan standpoint, the stories don't seem so bad, do they?
The name is appropriate - I've been doing alot of digging into my own underworld these last few months. I have also been metaphorically cast out for making a stand for what I wanted...I have to laugh at times because I keep thinking of T.H. - I have this small (very small) fantasy about walking up to him in all my (to him) evil glory...small, petty and in my mind, very funny. It's funny to me because he would inevitably waste inordinate amounts of energy to magickally debilitate me. All the while, I would laugh in his face. His small magicks can't touch me. (Hey, give me a break. It's taken me a long time to get to this point! I can laugh now!)
I should ask Elizabeth about what S. said about magick: "The more you know, the less you do." In my mind, it looks as if it may actually be true.
I've been playing with the name - Dawn Firewolf Morningstar. D. Firewolf Morningstar. D.F. Morningstar...seeing how it fits, seeing how it feels on my tongue...
Oh yeah - I forgot to mention - I somehow got myself elected as leader/guide/teacher/grand poobah of a dream circle in Mystic Maidens and of a core shamanism something or another (I'm not quite sure what it is yet.) on the Tribe forum. I'm not knocking it - far from it -but I was expecting the circle to be, well, leaderless. I want everyone to share what they know. Next Saturday, I'm supposed to talk about the history of dreaming from Ancient Egypt to modern times. I have no idea what it is to teach - I'll just have to figure it out, I suppose...lol. Be my luck, I'll be one of the ones that are stereotyped in those movies where the professor is talking away and all the students are fast asleep...
The thing on Core Shamanism is about the same thing, except that I'm not talking to any specific people (except Snowy, that I know of.). I'm just posting on the forum for any and all to see and questions are asked and answered. Somehow, that doesn't make it any easier. I still have the fear of being called out. Oh well - I suppose it's just sstage fright.
I'm stopping here - I've got to get ready to go to class...should be fun - we're beginning the emotional meditations tonight....joy. lol.
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