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Moon Phase = waning toward new | Weather =Cool and Cloudy... | Current reading = Cry to Heaven -Anne Rice
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October 19, 1998
Ended up taking the weekend off from journaling altogether - I was physically and mentally exhausted from working on the chat and emotionally exhausted from the latest letter from my dad. It was so ridiculous and it hurt to read it.
I finally got around to asking him if he knew anything about the situation with Magic - and if he knew if there were ever any plans for me to be involved. I had forgotten what the standard answer was going to be: "He was only going to raise horses to sell and the horses were his (the underline is his) to do with as he wanted." No "what do you mean?" No "I don't understand what you're talking about." No "what plans?" Why do I get the feeling that he knows something but won't tell?
In the same letter, he went on to tell me what plans he had for the horses now and then he said, "...maybe someday we'll have a show horse."
This will not be allowed to continue. Ain't gonna be no more someday, maybe, or later - especially if I'm not going to be counted as a partner - or a daughter.
This is what is going to happen - if he wants to be a part of my life, he's going to have to prove himself. If he wants to visit with me, it's going to have to be more than 2 or 3 times a year and it will not be from 9 to 5:30. I am his daughter - not work. If he wants me involved with raising the horses, then I want to see a 1, 5, 10 and beyond year plan for the farm - on paper. Training methods will be influenced by Monty Roberts and there will be no more of this crap of punishing a horse for not automatically knowing what to do...and there will be no more vague references to me 'moving over there.' If I move, it will be to Colorado - not Hartsville TN.
This Wolf is tired of waiting.
On an infinitely better note: went hiking yesterday with S. and B. We did the (short to me) 5 mile Hidden Springs loop. I knew that I had heard that there was a cave on that trail and we found it right where the trail loops to head back. It was a neat cave - one opening was a nearly perfect circle straight down through about 25 feet of limestone and the floor looked to be maybe 15 feet below it. The other opening was in a dry stream bed and looked to be where a crack had been enlarged by many many many years of flooding. It was a neat find!
On the over to S.'s house, I saw 7 wild turkey...and one groundhog. It had been so long since I had seen a groundhog, I about didn't know what it was at first. I was beginning to wonder about the turkey - I hadn't seen any since spring. I'm glad that they're still around.
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