I just got the news that my aunt Magdalene died yesterday. I almost fell over when my mom told me that she was only 79 - I mean, I remember going to her house when I was still in single digits and she seemed ancient then.
I always liked Magdalene. She was the eccentric one (only later did I know that she had to be on medication - kind of made me like her all the more) and the only one that I could really relate to. Her house was so cool with all the old stuff - the icebox in the kitchen and sepia toned photos everywhere. She is the only person I know who would give and
for christmas and anniversaries.
See ya later, Aunt Magdalene - give 'em hell when you get to the gate.
I was thinking - what is the big deal with the archival measures that some artists take with their materials? I thought that part of the appeal was it's impermanence - like the emotions the artist was experiencing at the time. I don't know, it just seems to take something away from the process. I mean, the artists of Lascaux probably wasn't concerned with permanence - they just painted with all the intent and will they had.
Another thing on my mind is this week's journalcircle exercise. We are supposed to imagine ourselves as the person we will be in several years (in my case - about 9) and have them tell us what they need from us now. My problem is that I know exactly what needs to be done...but knowing and doing are two different things. I have to find a way to break through some of the armor and shielding that has been built up over the years. The effect is that I invite a person in and then keep that person at arm's length. Sometimes, I don't even realize that I've done it until much later. I've caught myself doing it with L. and the journaling list - I certainly don't like it but sometimes it feels as if I'm just watching from a distance. I don't know what it is, unless it is the thought that if no one gets in - they can't hurt me.
It reminds me of that dream of the ice fields that Vanyel kept having in Magic's Pawn by Mercedes Lackey. It's no secret that I've been called the Ice Queen - sometimes I'd just rather have the volcano.
I've discovered that being anonymous can be good - you can let your hair down and not worry overmuch about it.
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