I've thought a lot about this topic since I last wrote. Yeah, there is a lot of injustice in the situation with my dad and grandmother. I will probably write about several different situations and then pick the best one to send to the journalcircle list.

The injustice that comes to mind today, though, is the one in this current relationship with C.M. I put up with it for a long time - if only to not rock the boat. Now it just seems stupid - how am I going to talk about this without sounding arrogant? Oh, pfffft. This is a journal - truth counts, not diplomacy. This relationship is also one of the reasons I started journaling.

Anyway, the thing that really pisses me off about the whole thing is the fact that I am expected to be beneath him in just about all things: intelligence; skill, knowledge. If I get the upper hand, he gets in a huff and doesn't want to play anymore.

That's it, plain and simple. This coming from a guy who used to talk about how he loved how independent I was - can you believe that? I can't.

We're supposed to write for the list about how we responded to each particular incident; how we fantasized about how we might have responded and how we would like to respond in the future. I can't really say that I've fantasized about how to respond. It's hard to fantasize about something like that when you know, don't to the minutest detail how the person is going to respond.

What I have done on numerous occasions was to turn off the little censor that kept the boat from rocking. One memorable time was when we played a demo video game (you know, the ones they have set up in stores that lets you play for 5 minutes or so and then defaults back to opening screen). It was one of those karate games. I had never played this particular game before but it was set up like most of the other games of the type - certain moves had a certain set of buttons on the gamepad.

I think that he got very few points from my character. I smoked him.

I did it to prove a point. (Well, that and I love to win...I'm more competitive than most people think. That's a whole 'nother journal topic in itself) The point wasn't that I'm better than him or that I was out to get him. The point was that I wasn't going to let him win just because that's what he wanted. I wasn't going to just hand it to him - if he wanted to win, he was going to have to earn it. Still, he didn't get it. He just didn't want to play anymore.

How will I handle this situation in the future? I don't know. The only way I can see handling it is to just be myself. There is no use whatsoever in constraining yourself to the point of strangulation just to make someone else comfortable.

In a very real sense, that is exactly what's wrong with the situation with my dad as well. There seems to be the expectation that I am supposed to look up to him just because he had a hand in the creation of me. I mean, I love my dad and I thank him (for having sex!! :::snicker::: _insert cackle here_) but truth be told - he was never around. Sure, there was the every other weekend deal and he did come to my high school graduation but when on Epona's green earth was he ever around when I really needed him?

Yep - that is definitely tomorrow's topic. I need to go get ready - I'm helping out at the Tech library for registration day. yippee. At least there will be free food out of it from Fazoli's, probably.