Moon Age = 21 daysMoon Phase = waning toward last
quarter tomorrow night		Weather = Warmer - temps in
the 40's at 2 am		Current reading = Soul Traveler - Albert Taylor
Quote:"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment."
- Rumi

January 8, 1999

Sheesh- there's a flashback...I typed 1996 instead of 1999...

I went out with my dad tonight. I was a bit worried about it - you know, with all the anger I had with him and that whole situation about the horses and all. Actually, worried isn't the word for it. Scared to hell would be a more apt description.

I really didn't know what to expect. We talked for quite a bit and went to a oriental buffet for supper. Just about everything came up in the conversation so it didn't surprise me when he asked me about how I knew when Papa died. I told him straight - I got the awful feeling of having just lost something important; then all the little clues started popping up like my suddenly driving like him (one's faith in god really got tested when he was driving) and especially when the footsteps began on the front porch not long after I got back. UP the steps and to the door. UP the steps and to the door. Up the steps and to the door. Over...and over...and over...and over...until I finally went to the door, opened it up as far as it would go and very nearly yelled, "Well, if you're comin' in, come on in!!" Like I've said many times in this journal - I can be a stubborn soul and sometimes it takes a while for something to sink in.

The awful subject of Magic came up. I finally told him what had happened and to my surprise, he knew absolutely nothing about it. All this time and I thought he was just defending the man. I also surprised myself with the intensity of the pain that is (was?) still there - after all these years, it is just as strong as it was then. I still miss that horse...but at least I know that I am considered to be as much as an owner of the other horses as my dad is. I really needed to hear that - those horses belong to me as much as they do him. You cannot imagine how important it was for me to hear that. After all this time, it is hard to imagine that I am going to have horses in my life again...but I'm going to put all my heart and soul into the imagining.

Many of the topics we talked about were metaphysical - ghosts; bigfoot, esp...Just before he left, he did tell me that if he were in my position (after I told him of the ritual I did for Mama in the hospital) - he would be scared to death to try any of the stuff that I told him about! This coming from an ex-bigfoot investigator! I told him exactly how I felt about it - that I feel like I don't have a choice at times. Not that I would back away from it - but still, I don't always have a choice. The other night with the mustangs in Nevada being a case in point.

To play catch-up: I did journey to help any earthbounds cross over. There were 13 spirits in all. 12 of them went over easily, especially once the 'herd mentality' kicked in. One nearly broke my heart because it was a little colt who was very bewildered about what was going on - and had been separated from his dam. Unfortunately, it seems that she had also been a victim of those damn snipers but had no problems crossing over. The remaining spirit was du'r (obstinate) - a lone stud who was determined to carry on with his life as it was. I ended up letting Phoenix take care of him because the horse just was not responding to me. It was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting...but wholly rewarding.

Speaking of exhausted - I am and we have to leave at nine in the morning. Oh joy - it's nearly 2 now...well, I'll go try and sleep...Good night, Sweetie...


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