OH yeah...I have forgotten to mention something I did on a whim. I found mention of an 'interesting' website on one of those forums that post nothing but info on where to find free stuff. The website contains an offer for a free orgasm! hehehehe

Do I have your attention yet?

I definitely have some qualms about writing about this subject ~ and I didn't think I was such a damn prude! What is the hangup we people have about sex, anyway? Yeah, yeah, yeah ~ I know the rhetoric about how it was the priests way back when who just wanted to convert a bunch of lusty, funloving pagans into dour copies of themselves...but is that the truth? Is there anyway to find out for certain?

In my...uh, 'education' on the topic, there was a lot of fear expressed. Sex was feared ~ feared because of the possibility of disease; fear of pregnancy, fear of being struck down by the wrath of some vengeful god because some unwritten rule was broken while in the act (Does god favor the missionary position after all??) or even because of the act. This was even before the threat of AIDS arrived. (I heard that, wiseguy ~ no, I am not as old as the damn hills, thank you very damn much!)

In my own past, the biggest fear I had was pregnancy. I could just see myself being tied down with 3 million brats running around (what was I thinking?? That I was Lilith herself down by the sea??) and never having another moment for or to myself. Instead of taking charge of my own sexuality, I let fear rule me. I remember being almost paranoid about it at times. Twice, I even had panic attacks.

Does this mean that I am against sex? Absolutely not. What I am against is when it is boring or non-consentual (meaning not only rape, which I think should be obvious but also when the other party decides to 'talk' you into it just to satisfy their own gonads). Sex is definitely not like pizza, in my book.

So what do I think? Sex is a good thing and it's o.k. to be in charge of your own sexuality. It's o.k. to know what makes your body feel good. In fact, it helps if you know so that you can tell your partner ~ practice makes perfect, so to speak.

Speaking of partners, I think I've danced 'round and 'round that topic every time it has come up in this journal. Truth be told, fear held my tongue on that topic too. Here is my thought on the subject of partners, once and for all in plain english: It doesn't matter. Homosexual/bi/transgender/straight/none at all ~ if you are true to yourself, then there is no problem. Have I been true to myself? Not entirely. Then again, it's only been in the last five years or so that I've allowed myself to look at myself in this way, as a 'sexual being'. I'm working on finding out exactly what it is that will let me be true to myself.

I know you're asking yourself: did she take the free offer?? Well, let's say this: just call me Ms. Aerotech.