Moon Phase = waning toward last quarterWeather = It's hot. Again.Current books = none
Quote: "Para mi solo recorrer los caminos que tienen corazon, cualquier camino tengo corazon. Por ahi yo recorro, y la unica prueba que vale es atravesar told su largo. Y por ahi yo recorro mirando, mirando, sin aliento."

Translation: For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.
- Don Juan

September 14, 1998

I ended up taking a bit of a break from writing, didn't I? I think I really needed it, though. I was getting pretty bored with myself there on the last entry or two.

The forum has been going for eight days now (where did they go??) and there are three 'regulars' - people who are feeling the same way I do. It still blows my mind...yet it also feels really good. I can see all us ghostchildren banding together in a community of support and understanding, working on finding our own paths 'home'...

I emailed Robert Ghostwolf tonight. He had a message on his site about the construction of a healing center and how construction and organic seed donations would be appreciated. I wrote, asking if he could use catnip seeds - these I have are about as organic as you can get. I put the catnip in a pot, gave it some water every now and then and it went crazy. I got gifted with a bunch of seeds. I need to see what else I can send. I also ended up basically pouring out my soul about how I and the others on the forum are feeling. I hope he doesn't think I'm some kind of nut. lol.

E. and I settled on a good barter for those posters she wants me to do - I got the akashic reading deal. Whenever I feel the need for it, it's a done deal. Yay!! Tomorrow is planning day - I start sketching out the rough draft of the first poster. I forgot to ask E. how she wants the 'anatomically correct' posters done - anatomically correct but slightly 'blurred' or anatomically correct in all their technicolor glory. I can just call and leave a message...

I kept wondering in class tonight whether or not it was aimed more at me than toward the other two students...probably not but I couldn't help the thought. E. talked about how some monks and eastern mystics aren't doing the world much good - because they are off doing their own thing, learning to live on prana alone and such. They aren't in the world. What was that phrase she used? Oh - attributed to Jesus, "I am in the world but not of it." She talked about how that should be our goal - to be in the world, helping and experiencing all there is but not get caught up in it and the materialism. The point she made was that when it's all said and done, you can't take all that stuff with you. It's useless. The topic of evil also came up again - right after I had finished my big who-ha of a post on the subject on the forum. E. keeps saying that the only evil is that which we find in our own underworlds...I don't know. In the post I had made earlier, I asked if evil was a separate force, like many humans see good (or God) and if so...is the world was 'easy pickin's' for it - since the topic has largely been regulated to fairy tales, fringe preachers and the occasional tale of demonic possession and exorcism?

Here's another question: Mary SummerRain speaks about the war between the Light Warriors and the Dark Warriors...I wonder if it could be compared to a mundane war? You have your grunts; your enlisted, your officers - right up to the admirals and such. Mary also speaks of her encounters with a Dark One and of being a 'main player'. In her later books, she doesn't talk about it as much - did she get 'promoted'? Could one unexpectedly find herself face to face with the enemy on the front lines and work her way upward to where she wasn't directly in the fighting anymore?

Questions, questions....

E. also 'pegged' me again tonight - when she told the other two students that I didn't have as much of a problem of being pushed out of my comfort zone as they did, I asked why...and she told me. She said, "That's because you're hardly ever in your body!!!" Touche'. My smartass self immediately thought, "So that's why I've never had much success with astral travel..." E. also told me that M. may be my future mentor...I hope so - I really like her.

I've had some really disturbing thoughts lately. I know that they're probably nothing more than psychological barriers...I'm really uncomfortable with the idea that I am really different from everyone at SHA. Oh hell, I feel like I'm really different from most everybody. I know it's silly to think this but...lately, I've felt as if I'm way behind everyone else - to the point of feeling really childish or immature. You could say that I feel like the gangly yearling filly in a herd of wise, mature mares. I've had the haunting thought that everyone is being really nice to me because they see it and I don't...or out of pity. Silly, I know.

Well, that's enough warbling for tonight, I think. Goodnight, Sweetie.


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