I'm sitting here, waiting for my clothes to dry. I've got to go out and get a gift for my mom - her birthday is on Monday. I still don't know what to get her...perhaps a Barbie or something. Of all the things - I just don't understand this Barbie craze. What is the big allure??

I've been pondering the nature of darkness lately. No, smartass, not that stuff that comes when the sun goes down - the other darkness. Path-wise.

I sat down the other day in an attempt to put it into words. They wouldn't come. They still don't come very easily. Perhaps it's a case of being too close to the subject - can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Anyway, I guess it was all sparked by the questions that Ravenbard raised on the RavenRose list - one asking to what degree do we seek (or perhaps feel the need to) balance in our dark patrons and the other about how balanced everyone seems to be on the list as compared to other lists that cater to Pagans/Wiccans...'fluff bunnies', in particular.

I do know that since I have begun walking down this path, balance has seemed more like an inevitability than something I sought after. Whenever you face the inner demons and the darkness within, it tends to make you stronger. It also gives you another source of power in the process - sometimes, Light isn't the most appropriate thing to use in a situation. If you want to get rid of the roaches, so to speak, you have to go into the dark recesses to find them.

I also think that sometimes this path wasn't much of a choice. I guess that's the way it goes or at least feels, especially once you get so far on the trail. For the record, let me try to explain the 'technical' aspects of my path. Try being the operative word here. I use techniques of both Core Shamanism and the Craft as I stroll upon this path o'mine. I chant. I'll spell a candle every now and then. I'll go on a journey to get info I need. Many a time, I just have to focus and say, "O.k., here is what I need..." My patron is Epona, who is said to be a guardian of the dead and the underworld as well the goddess of war and nightmares - as well as horses, fertility and abundance.

When I say that it doesn't seem to have been much of a choice, I am exagerating...but not but much. I know that there are always choices. I could have closed my eyes to all I've seen and passed it off as illusion, unreality and going insane. (Believe me, I've tried.)

Oh, this isn't clearing up anything at all. I guess it's not time to put it into words yet. It's not like I'm following Hollywood's example of garish alters and such that reminds me of that supremely bad movie that had William Shatner; Tom Skerritt and Ernest Borgnine in it - Devil's Reign, I believe it was called.