Moon Phase = Somewhere 'round new - I thinkWeather = Sunny, Clear and Comfortable Current reading = Excerpts from Initiations, Human and Solar by Alice Bailey
Quote: "Tears are antifreeze for the soul."
- Magazine ad from a few years ago

September 25, 1998
Oh boy - it's a bit after 1 a.m. again. What a day...after! With the Divine Communion and the Shuttle sighting, there just wasn't enough room in that entry to put everything in. I was finally able to start getting through some stuff that had really been bothering me, even though I didn't really know what that stuff was until it came through. I was finally come to terms, of sorts, with this situation that I've found myself in - at least while I am alone. I don't how it will be when I am around the person in question.

I used some of the techniques that John Gray outlined on t.v. on Wednesday and went deeper into it. I found some interesting things - which I don't feel the need to put here but they are safely tucked into my hardbound journal. It took two full pages 8.5 x 11 of long hand to get down to the issues (that's alot for someone who doesn't write very large). They were most definitely from my past - and the next question is again dealing with another person.

At times, I felt as if I was in mourning. Mourning for all the long held pain and fear. Mourning for the uncertainty that has held me fast. I cried harder than I've cried in a long time - deep, soul racking and cleansing sobs that continued for hours. I'd get to a point where I almost stopped, only to go again because I couldn't write some deeply felt questions that I had. I'd get to the last word and couldn't write it because I'd be crying too hard.

I don't know how long I cried - I only know that those tears were very different than any I've ever cried before. Usually when I cry, I get the headache; big puffy eyes, the feeling that I snorted water up my nose, the general 'ick' that comes from crying. This time, there was none of this - not even the puffy eyes. They were a bit swollen, but nothing like usual. The only things I felt were happy, light and...free. That's a good word. Free. I felt as if a weight had been taken off my shoulders. It was good.

Somehow during all this, I almost got into trouble - I took a message that C. left me wrong - I though that my words had been misconstrued or something...and I was about ready to go in and 'straighten everybody out'. lol. I even wrote a letter in response. E. and I (o!) traded phone messages until finally she said, "Call me. We've got to talk." When she answered the phone, I immediately said, "I'm the one who misconstrued something, aren't I??" We had a good laugh over it and yes, it is another issue to work on. lol.

Now, I'm going to bed to hopefully dream of unicorns and water...the grand experiment's underway. I'll post it later. I'm tired. Goodnight, Sweetie.


On to the next entry
Back to the Journal
Back to the Realm
Page Copyright 1998 D. Firewolf