Moon Phase = Waxing Gibbous
towards full | Weather = Cool, cloudy...wonderful! | Current reading = A Dresser of Sycamore Trees - Garrett Keizer
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Quote: "I think the moon is in the sign of Murphy today...."
- me
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October 3, 1998
Two sad notes - Gene Autry died yesterday at the age of 91 and while I was doing research on the web for L., I found that Susan Seddon Boulet died on April 22...1997. Of cancer. She was 54. It was quite a shock to find that - I never heard a thing about it. I love her work - especially her interpretations of Native songs and legends. While we're on the subject...
Don Juan Matus taught that one should use one's own death as an advisor. Looking at your own death forces you to drop all those long-held pretenses and masks while at the same time, it forces you to look at what is truly important to you. It is a potent ally.
The idea of relating to my own death is frightening. I admit that I still occasionally suffer from 'Death phobia' - not so much as the death of other people but of my own death. Deep down in my heart, I can understand and take comfort in the fact that everything is alright when someone I know dies. Yes, I feel pain and grief that I will never again see that person in the physical in this lifetime but all in all, I can see death as a transition. I don't know why I can't always relate the same way to my own death. Perhaps it is because it is easy when it happens to somene else - the idea of death a bit more abstract. Perhaps I'm superstitious - if I think about it too much, I'll evoke it. Perhaps I just don't want to take on that kind of responsibility - the responsibility of actually taking on life and truly living.
Looking at your own death square in the bony face suddenly makes it very real. There are no blurred, abstract edges. There it is, laid out (excuse the pun) before you in vivid technicolor. You can't get around it. You can't deny it - for ever. Sometimes, my death looks like the rogue panther inexorably stalking its prey (me) in the dense jungle of life. Ever slowly, it advances and watches for the right moment to POUNCE! Other times, now that I've started to really look at it, it can indeed be a good friend. Not always a nice one but always a good one. I can see it just up ahead, waiting for me so that we can finally dance in total unison with the universe. In the end though no matter when it comes, it is exactly as Neil Gaiman's character Death says when one of her charges asks her for just a little more time: "You got exactly what everyone gets - a lifetime."
When you look at death this way, you also see that there is more to life. Suddenly, most of the things that seemed important aren't quite so important. You learn to see what is truly important deep down inside. You focus.
I'm still learning how to use my new found ally. A simple way to use death as an advisor is this:
- Simply ask your death, "How should I behave in this situation?"
- Simulate the feeling that this is your last ever act on this earth.
- Learn how to practice nonattachment. Learn to listen to your death without becoming morbidly obsessed with it.
- Listen to your heart. What does it offer in the way of guidance?
- Act accordingly.
On to the next entry
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Page Copyright 1998 D. Firewolf