Today has turned into a perfectly crappy day despite...

I feel as if I'm having to deal with a lot of stuff - emotions, thoughts, life in general - and I don't know how to handle it. I have to admit that I am feeling quite disgusted with myself because despite my best efforts...

I have become my mother.

My life at this point is nearly identical to hers when she was my age. The one main difference is that I do not have the tremendous rows that she and my dad had at the worst of their relationship. I would almost welcome that. It would be better - at least that way, I would know where I stood. As it is, I have no clue. Nothing is ever said. No conversation. Nothing, except the most innocuous subjects.

Wednesday was especially bad, although I wouldn't let myself admit until now. There was a big 'to-do' at Tech, complete with a battle of the bands - right down to the professional equipment. Mixing boards, equilizers, the big stacks of amplifiers - the whole kit'n'caboodle. It doesn't sound like a big deal except that audio recording and production was part of my curriculum in college. It was damn near my favorite part and I wasn't asked to help out with anything. He asked his damn mother, of all people. To beat it all, when she left - she treated me as if I were a casual acqaintance instead of the person her damn son has been with since 1984.

I'm tired of all these people in my life who think they can run over me. Here's the deal - I want the house. That's all. Wunnerboy and his mother can (_insert your own word here_) off - so can my father. My mom is a special case but she'll have to behave herself.

Perhaps the day's not so crappy after all.