Well...I just had a moment - I don't know what kind of moment it was, but it was somethin'.

I was in the bathroom, getting ready to shower. There is one of those things in there that helps you change the light bulbs that would otherwise be impossible to change - with the long pole and springy thing on the end that holds the bulb. Anyway, it fell and hit me square on the head. Right on the crown chakra. Hard.

Before I realized it, I had this thing and was whalin' on it. All the anger - and some that I didn't even know I had - came out on this thing. I just kept bashing it on the side of the tub. The whole time I was aware of the thoughts - all of them about Wunnerboy and his (non) treatment of me and how I had allowed myself to be blocked and shut down by the whole thing.

In other words - I opened up rather quickly and the light bulb changer is useless in its current state.

I know that this situation can't continue. It doesn't honor or nurture anything, let alone anyone. I have to get into a 'bargaining' position before I feel like I can do much - perhaps that just fear talking. I have to get more money pouring in here before I feel like I can make my move - I want this house and the property with it. I feel that it should be mine with all the work I've put into it - mentally, emotionally, magickally. All it seems Wunnerboy does is come in, go to sleep and leave...and maybe occasionally mow part of the yard every now and then. This after I've put in all the herbs; flowers, bird feeders, trees and the walkway. I've fixed light fixtures and painted. I've replaced the faucet in the kitchen. I've put several different glamours and spells on the place to keep it safe.

I guess the thing that hurts the most is the fact that it seems like he refuses to do anything to help or remedy the situation. I feel like everything I say is taken as nagging or sheer idiocy. I can't talk to him. The other day (Wednesday) when he talked to me, he used his 'I'm not the least bit interested in what you're saying but I'll act like I am' tone with me. No matter what I said, there was that tone.

Wunnerboy - it's time to get your wunnerbutt out that door and go home to your wunnermother. I'm sure that you both will be very wunnerhappy together. Ccccccccccc-yaaaaaa. I've got better things to do than to put up with your wunnerhangups.

Gee - that felt good to say!!