Two days have now passed since the bulb changer became useless.

Yesterday, I went out with my mom. I told her my thoughts about this situation - and what I've thought about doing about it. It felt good to actually be saying it.

The situation is this (if I hadn't spelled it out before):

I have been with Wunnerboy since 1984. We had all these plans - get through school; try our hand at forming a good rock band, I was going to be the artist...yada yada yada. Somewhere along the line, it all fell apart.

Wunnerboy discovered computers and suddenly they took up all his time. The band fell to the wayside - "I just like computers better" is what I was told. The guitars weren't even picked up for fun anymore and it was years before I realized it. One day, it was like I woke up and it had been years since we had done anything that we used to enjoy. I felt like I had fallen to the wayside and didn't know it until then.

I have made multiple attempts to talk about our situation and feel like it didn't matter what I did. If things changed at all, they were only changed for about two weeks. I got the feeling that the only reason anything was done was to make me happy...and so I wouldn't 'throw a fit.' Yep. Good reasons, there. I suppose that in many ways, I have acted in exactly that manner. I know that I have felt like a snarling caged animal whose only available action is to pace that cage, growling and snarling at whoever comes within reach.

The way I feel about this relationship - and have, basically, for a long time - is that I'm a third wheel. Wunnerboy and his students are first and I am standing outside the circle. I can't live like that. I feel the need to be an equal in the relationship.

I have genuine feelings for Wunnerboy. (hush your mouth - I heard that!) He's been a big part of my life...for literally half of it. I want to have him as a friend - he makes a good friend.