Moon Phase = heading toward newWeather = Grey and CloudyCurrent reading = The Artist's Way - Julia Cameron
Week 4! One more week...
Quote:"Be quiet and listen. Be quiet. Listen."
- Message from Epona

December 13, 1998

I can't believe that I'm sitting here at this computer after the marathon session yesterday on the web. I ended up in three chats and wit many many messages from a lot of people...my arms still hurt a bit!

I've got to get ready here in a bit to go to the 'to-do' at SHA - the the Ceremony of Light or somesuch...we'll see how it goes.

I just finished watching the Monty Roberts special again on PBS. Again, it tore me up to watch it because of the unfinished business with the paternal side of my family. It really hurts to watch this guy who I know in my heart of heart is completely right and on track - and turn around and have to see the archaic methods used by my dad and be expected to use them myself..that is, on the rare occasions when I actually get to see my father.

I have to admit that from what I know, he isn't as bad as Papa. There were quite a few times when I wanted to subject him to the same treatment that he shelled out to the horses and see how he liked it. I remember once when he took my Mingo into the barn and whipped him with a tobacco stick because the horse didn't understand what was being demanded of him. I, to this day, wish that I had stood up to him more...or perhaps I should say, I wish that I had stood up to him differently - because talking sure didn't do any good with that man.

Anyway, like I said, my dad isn't that bad but I still don't agree with the way he does it. I guess I am still angry too for not standing up for me and for defending Papa for any- and every-thing. I know that I am still angry about he not wanting to spend more time with me and getting to know me. I am still angry about him choosing his so-called wife ( how about gold-digging; no account, dont-wait-till-he's-cold-to-get-that-gold-tooth-because-those-
things-are-worth-money disgrace to christians and dogs everywhere...oh never mind...) over his flesh and blood daughter...but that is not the point of this entry. The point is that while I was watching Monty Roberts talk about working with the horses - especially about working with abused horses and how sometimes women faint while he demonstrates it because they themselves have been abused...

I want to work with abused horses.

I want to rehabilitate them. I want to re-instill a sense of trust in them. I want to work with them so that they can be someone's treasured friends - basically to be the best they can be despite the treatment they've endured in the past.

Geez - I can't even talk about it without sounding extremely corny.

I dream of working with these horses and when it's time for them to go back out into the world, have the prospective caretakers work with the horses to see how they handle them and how the horse responds...perhaps even maybe teaching other people how to correctly handle horses. Perhaps (I don't know why but I thought of this) even working with abused horses and women - helping both...

In any case, this feels like the right thing - the right path.


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