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Moon Phase = heading toward new | Weather = Clear, cold and frost | Current reading = The Artist's Way - Julia Cameron. Getting ready to
start week 5... | Latest Movie - Star Trek: Insurrection |
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Quote:"We tell you this: We are doing the impossible. We are teaching ourselves to be human."
- Martha Courtot
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December 15, 1998
I couldn't even think about writing since the last entry - it's been nearly non - stop. I'm glad that I had the time away though. It's given me the time needed to think about what I wanted in that last entry. It's a nice dream but I'm not sure it's what I really want right now. I'll put it on the back burner for now. I think it was in response to how I'm feeling toward my father and trying to get horses back into my life. We'll see how it develops while it sits for a while...
This last day and a half have been wild - the Ceremony of Light Sunday night; the movie afterward, the blow-up after that, my akashic reading, class, experimenting with the Sculpy...
The Ceremony was actually very nice - despite the singing. (lol) I despise singing in public. There were several christmas songs included in the event and I mostly just lip-sync'd. E. brought through the Bah Tahs again...I am still extremely wary of channelers but I'm convinced now that E. is the real thing. She doesn't just 'go away' like the wierdos that you see out there but is aware the entire time. Plus, while she did my akashic reading she told me things that I don't think she could have known...athough I will have to think about what all I have said in class (yep, skeptic to the end...). Still - I trust her a great deal. That doesn't come easily for me.
At one point, we were given colors that signified what we needed to work on in the coming year. I was given turquoise - which surprised me a bit because it is considered an 'advanced' color. I ws told that it signified grounding 'because I am always flying off somewhere' and I needed to learn to be here, on the earth. Also in the message was to work on learning to be myself without overdoing it and becoming a zealot. This could get to be an interesting year.
Afterward, C.M. and I went to see the new Star Trek movie. People have told me that it absolutely sucked but I must be honest - I liked it. Granted, there were some holes in the script but I actually liked the humor in it. Especially when the newly shaved Riker walked by Data and says, "As smooth as an android's bottom." When Data actually had to see if it were true and found otherwise...hehe! I still haven't gotten used to seeing Jean-Luc doing the mambo though.
The blow-up didn't happen until we got back here to the house. We (or rather, I) had a bunch of groceries to bring in and the both of us were tired. I asked C.M. if he wanted to help me carry the bags in so we could get it done faster and he told me, "I don't think I'm able." This really pissed me off, especially since so many of the bags were very light - one had nothing but christmas bows and another had a loaf of bread. I got so angry, I was nearly speechless. When I finally said something about it to C.M., his response was, "I'm sorry - I just didn't feel like doing it." Wrong thing to say.
Somewhere in all this, one of the cats decided for the first time in her life to jump off the car and onto my shoulder. Needless to say, she missed. She managed to grab my finger with one claw on the way down and blood went everywhere. Also, Autolycus and Jean Clod decided to steal a loaf of sourdough bread (I should've known that Aullie would live up to his namesake...Autolycus, King of Thieves...) It was not a good end to the night.
This was the thing that got me to tell C.M. how I've been feeling though. I will have to admit that. I told him that he really hurt my feelings by just trooping off to his parents while I was left here to...whatever. I really felt abandoned. I told him that even though he was feeling sick and that I don't doubt that he is sick, I felt it was becoming an excuse. More and more I felt that I was alone and I can't handle being here alone. After I told him what I could of what I was feeling (a lot of it still has no words to explain it) I told him, "Now you know why I was so eager when you said that you would trade the last five months with me if you could - physical pain would be so much easier to deal with and besides, if I had been putting up with that I wouldn't have done so for anywhere near as long!!! I'd go to a better doctor!!" That's when he finally told me that he got copies of his medical records and found out that the doctors he's been seeing think that he's 'a fruitcake'. It would seem to me that it time for another doctor when that happens, but c'est la vie. The stubborn thing won't listen to me.
My akashic reading was very interesting yesterday. Like I said, I wasn't too sure about it at the beginning but I didn't say anything - and E. just nailed several things right off about the people around me right now (C.M. and my mom) and how my dad 'abandoned' the family. I don't think that I have really said that much about my dad in class except a few times when I said that I wasn't sure if I really know him or not. We only got about four lifetimes - all quite interesting. I won't mention them here since I am still digesting all the information I got from them.
I don't know what in the world is going on with me in class - we had an exercise where we were to draw ourselves. That was all the instructions - draw yourselves. For some reason, I asked, "Literally?" and was told that I had all the instructions I needed. We had about 8 minutes to complete the drawing. L. drew her head and shoulders while I drew...a peacock. I tried drawing myself as human but it just didn't work. I got about 3/4 of the profile done and it just felt horrible so I turned the page over and started again. I just let whatever come, come. I drew an oriental looking peacock with its tail divided into two parts - one part had human looking eyes coming out of the ends of the feathers and the other had hearts...or devils' tails, I'm not sure which. All in all - I thought it was very creative although I have no idea why a peacock...I didn't think I was that vain...lol.
Today ended up being fairly busy but admittedly - and thankfully - not quite as busy as the last two. I went out and did some yard work - mostly picking the cat food cans that haven't been recycled yet that the cats and opossums scattered. I also 'visited' with the Sea of Felinity since I haven't had time lately to just play with them and pet them. At one point, I was sitting on the porch, looking at a magazine while two cats sat on my lap; one on my chest, up near my chin (thank goodness it was one of the small kittens!), one sat on the steps to my left and at least two were up against my side on the right. The others just drifted by and stopped awhile before continuing on. I also cleaned up the bathroom a bit; replaced the faucet in the kitchen, defrosted the freezer and cleaned the living room a bit. After it was all said and done, I pulled out the Sculpy and played with it. In the end, I had two mushrooms - a elfin cup and a morel (dry land fish) - and a clover. I think the elfin cup will be L.'s christmas gift (don't tell her though!!!). All in all - a very good day.
Now that I'm somewhat caught up, I think that I'll end here. Good night, Sweetie.
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