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Moon Phase = New, heading toward sliver | Weather = Warm and Grey | Current reading = The Artist's Way - Julia Cameron. week 5
Initiations, Human and Solar- Alice A. Bailey
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Quote:"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
- Unknown
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December 20, 1998
Yule eve!! Yay!!! The solstice officially arrives at 7:56 p.m. tommorrow.
According to the almanac, although the weathermen will say otherwise, the shortest day of the year actually occurred two weeks ago. Isn't that neat?
I've been thinking about what I wrote in the last entry. I told C.M. about what I wrote and the first thing he asked was, "And you're going to put that on the web?!" I have to be honest - it did make me think as to whether I should post it or not. I decided that I would, especially after I went back and re-read it. I had to stop and think if I really had cause to be that frustrated. I had to stop and ask myself if I was just not being a 'team player' or if this is all coming from my own self - you know, being basically a loner and all. I'm still thinking about it.
I definitely was not speaking out of fear. I am all for positive thinking and manipulating energy to get what you want - couldn't be a witch without it - but in my opinion, if this plan was a spell...it would fizzle out like a soggy sparkler. Granted, I probably don't have all the details but here's what I know from Friday's meeting, laid out in very basic 'spell planning' format:
GOAL: to make money for the center
SPECIFIC PURPOSE(S): unknown
LIST OF ITEMS NEEDED: i-net mall, whatever else that can be had
SPECIFIC LOCATION REQUIRED:The center itself so not to scatter the energy
DATE AND TIME WHEN USED: unknown
ENERGIES INVOKED DURING PREPARATION AND/OR USE: lots of positive thinking!
STEP BY STEP INSTRUCTIONS FOR PREPARATION AND/OR USE: unknown
RESULTS: no change in money situation.
If you ask me, I think that energy should be scattered - it's just swirling around doing not much of anything at this point. At least if it scattered, it might accidentally run into something useful...
I don't know why it's even bothering me so badly...on second thought, yes I do. It's the exact reason that I said in the last entry. They asked me to help with the webpage because I've been using HTML and the Web longer than anybody there (the net and web since '90 and HTML in the last year and a half) and then this stupid i-net thing comes along. Suddenly I know nothing about the working of the net and this mall is a wonderful thing because there's 'not many like it' (bullshit! I say). I don't like being treated like I suddenly don't know what I'm talking about by someone who asked my opinion because I had more experience than they did and then they turned around and got snagged by some slick saleman's pitch. Gods, a good deal of the time I wish I never got to see the 'inner workings' of that place. I hate to say it but half the time it seems so 'airy fairy' (see list above).
This is how enlightenment is supposed to be?
After this last little event, I really don't know where (or even if) I stand within the place. I'm not so arrogant to think that I alone know what best for the group but I do care enough to try and warn them of the pitfalls that I found on my own. I guess E. was right in that respect - I've always felt out of place at the center, except in class itself. I don't know where or how I fit in. (That reminds me - I need to visit with the Grandmother Tree. I haven't been able to lately. I miss her.) Oh well - C'est la vie. It's not my problem anymore. I am not banging my head against this wall again. Time to concentrate on more important things.
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