Lightning of the Soul Journal Entry

December 30, 1999

Days left until the national holiday known as my birthday - T minus 7 days

Some interesting and long forgotten things have come to mind today - the next to the last day of 1999. I had totally forgotten what I had thought would happen near the year 2000 when I was back in high school (read - before my much saner Pagan years). Having grown up in small town, somewhat x-tain America I somehow convinced myself that in this moment in time, there was sure to be some kind of calamity - nuclear war; Armageddon (remember - small town & x-tain) or some equally disastrous thing. Think Mad Max and you're beginning to get the picture.

I remember feeling as if time was running out - but for what, I don't know.

Perhaps that's what drew me to Heartston - the training she offered resonated with these deeply buried thoughts.

The latest exercise for JournalCircle has been challenging - we're to come up with a list of 10 changes we would like to make in order to become the people we see ourselves being in the coming years. We're also to pick one for a goal and carry it through before Jan. 5.

I would like to: get back to writing more often - I've really gotten away from journaling this year. Year one was filled with near daily entries and this one barely fulfilled the requirements for some of the journaling rings. Some of it comes from feeling vulnerable because of the stuff that came up during the year - now, I just don't care. Let that pen and cursor fly! done so far! Only missed one day this week!

I would like to: learn how to control acrylics and watercolor a bit better - up until now, I have been happy with graphite and colored pencils but now I want to play with paint. Begun today - spent 2 1/2 hours working on an acrylic painting of my geranium that's blooming.

I would like to: hike and get out into the woods - this past year has been spent on my butt. I am beginning to look like Hammy's (from Toy Story) big sister. That plus I want to re-establish contact with the spirits of the wood. I feel as if I have been cut off from my true family.

I would like to: become more self sufficient - Last year was alright, but I want to be able to totally support myself and the cats with my art. That would make me very happy.

II would like to: finally learn how to actually move on those *&^$#@*! rollerblades! Standing isn't a problem...moving is.

I would like to: begin to open up a bit and meet some new friends. That one is a biggie for me.

I would like to: move ahead with working with horses - the two things I want and miss most in my life is my art and horses. I have a chance to do this...but that's a whole another topic.

I would like to: learn to live more truthfully - 'To thine own self be true.'

That is all I can think of at the moment. 8 out of 10 is doing pretty good, in my opinion.

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