Links of the Day:FAFSA on the Web Back2college.com FreSch! search4scholarships.com
Well, I feel perfectly crappy, as well as feeling as if I'm put into a position of being between a rock and a really, really hard place. Beat it all, I don't think it's my fault. No...I know it isn't anyone's fault.
I just got off the phone a few minutes ago with my mom. I just told her that I need a break from her. Things have gotten increasingly bad in this area of my life...mostly because of the fact that I don't feel like I get much of a break from her. Seeing her once a week is mostly tolerable but lately, she's calling on Tuesdays and Thursdays (sometimes Saturday or Sunday) and wanting to do something on Tuesday nights and Sundays. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't the same thing over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over...you get the point. Always going the same places; doing the same things and even having the same damn chit chat over and over and...:::ahem::: On the days that Bobby's with us, I feel that I can't really have a decent conversation with him most of the time because once we start talking about the latest conspiracy theory or even politics, she pretty effectively puts an end to it by bringing up some more useless chit chat until we stop.
Truth be told, even though she's my mother...I don't like her very much at the moment. Yes, that's a horrible thing to say. The last time we did something together (Sunday before last), she insisted on talking about nothing but the latest specials at Subway and some other things that I don't remember as well as telling me exactly what to do ('hold this while I...', 'take this while I...', 'Take this over there while I...') and if it wasn't done fast enough or the way she wanted it, she would just yank it back. She'd just turn her back and walk away too, never mind if I had something to say.
O.k.,O.k....enough of this useless bitching.
SCROLL HERE TO SKIP THE BITCHING
One thing did come out of all the stuff though. I decided to go back to school. College. I think it actually took that last trip to make me realize how my life is and was going to turn out if I didn't do something NOW. Lisa was right ~ I have spent most of my life as if I was waiting for something. I remember, since childhood: waiting for my dad to come see me; waiting for my aunt to pick me up after school, waiting for my mom to come pick me up from the same aunt's house after work, waiting for C.M. to pick me up after my classes were through even though it meant waiting for 3 or 4 hours...
Anyway, I hope that my grades from before don't cause too much of a hassle. It was the absolute wrong time for me to be going to college then. I thought about taking time off first and doing something fun but I didn't have a choice at the time ~ I was the first one in the family to go to college and I was going right then!! LOL Add on top of that, I didn't have a car (or a license ~ call me a late bloomer) so I was dependent of C.M. to drop me off and the fact that my mother wouldn't help me apply for scholarships and financial aid because she didn't want anyone to know how much she made as well as pretty much forbidding me to take art classes...it was too much. I crashed and burned.
This time around, I'm searching out acholarships and grants to apply for. FAFSA is the big one. That one automatically applys for all kinds of federal grants; scholarships and loans. I'm going to go back to my art classes. I'm going to arrive and leave right when I want and need to. My thinking at the moment is to go to a local community college to take all the basic courses and the art classes and then move on to somewhere else. I haven't decided where yet. Western Kentucky; MTSU and Vandy are the closest (wow ~ it would take alot of financial aid to get to Vandy! LOL)
All of this is a bit unsettling too. All kinds of thoughts are going through my head. What if...? What if I flunk out? What if I hate it? What if I make a spectacular idiot out of myself? What if I don't do it and have to go back to a life of useless chit chat?
I still can't believe that Vandy is a possibility on my list. My, my, my...how my thought processes have changed... ;-)
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