(This is the latest paper for English Comp ~ we had to come up with a narrative.)
Jerry smiled as he poured hot water onto the little mound of instant coffee in the bottom of an old, battered cup. No more of that nasty herbal crap, he thought as he stirred the concoction. No sugar or creamer for him, just plain, black, wonderful coffee. The smile stayed in place as he pulled the first draught - it was the first cup of halfway decent coffee he'd had in years.
His ex-wife Maria had insisted that they be an organic family, which in her opinion meant no more coffee. It couldn't be proved that it was manufactured according to some arcane law she had held to. Jerry had been forced to drink concoctions made from all manner of odd things during the course of his marriage. Things such as chicory (didn't he read something about that being a much hated substitute for coffee during one of the Wars?), elderflower (flowers were the last thing it tasted like) and something with the obscene sounding name of Dong Quai. He couldn't even remember most of the things Maria had used, only that many of them had come from the garden out back. Despite all of her other faults, his ex-wife seemed to be able to grow any kind of plant out of solid rock. She was also quite knowledgeable about the uses of each plant she put into the garden, although Jerry pretended not to listen when she lectured him on the subject.
As he drained the last of the still hot coffee and put down the cup, Jerry could feel the hair on his neck stand on end. On the other side of the counter was Maria, smiling. Their friends had always said that when Maria was in a good mood, look out. She must have been in an extremely good mood because he didn't even hear her come in.
"Hello, Jerry. Surprised to see me?"
Jerry suddenly felt as if the entire English language had left his brain. There was only one thing he could think to do. He made himself another cup of coffee. Now if only I can keep my hands from shaking, he thought.
Maria fidgeted as she leaned a bit on the counter. She picked up the little container of Blue Label instant coffee, no doubt checking for the Organic Housekeeping Seal of Approval or some such. She looked at it for a long while.
"I see that it didn't take you long to go back to bad habits."
Jerry could only stare at his ex-wife. Something was not right. He could feel it. Sure, he was frightened but not the kind of frightened that warranted the things that his heart had suddenly started doing.
"Tell me, Hubby, how have you been feeling lately? Any problems with the old ticker?"
Jerry looked down at his cup. Had the coffee tasted funny? He hadn't thought so at the time but he had guzzled the stuff.
"Ah�I see that you've made the connection. You didn't think that the flowers out front had been merely for show, did you?" Maria laughed. "Really, Jerry, you should have paid more attention when I explained the uses of each plant I put in the yard."
Jerry hadn't known if anything had been in the coffee for sure. Maria said flowers - in the front yard? The only things in the front yard were the daisies and the foxglove�oh no.
"Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. I see the key in the ignition but nothing's sparking. Tell me, you didn't honestly think I would sit quietly in that place and let fate come for me, did you? How could you just leave me in that place all alone? It's cold and dark, not to mention that I've missed all the episodes of Regina's Vegetarian Kitchen since January sixteenth."
It took a lot of effort to hide the fear in his voice. Finally he managed to whisper, "I don't know if you ever did anything quietly, dear."
"Smartass."
Jerry walked to sink to wash out his cup. Before he did, he secretly (or what he hoped passed for secretly) checked the bottom of the cup. It was instant coffee after all. There shouldn't be anything left. He could see that there wasn't anything in the bottom of the cup except the few drops of coffee that were always there, no matter how much he tried to drink it all.
"Really, Jerry - do you really think that I'd leave evidence behind? I hope you don't think that I'm that careless. I studied herbal medicine entirely too long to make such a silly mistake like not knowing what herb and what form of it to use. Besides, they always say 'the healer who can't kill, can't heal.'"
"I don't think that this is what they meant by that, Maria."
"I'm just putting my knowledge into practical use, dear."
Jerry's heart suddenly picked up a new, erratic rhythm. It was as if his heart suddenly forgot its lines and was just trying to fake the performance until it could remember what was going on. It was doing a lousy job. Jerry stumbled away from the counter and fell against the fridge, sliding down the front before landing in the floor in an undignified heap. He was having a hard time getting his breath; each attempt to inhale only resulted in a wheeze. It seemed as if his lungs had caught a case of amnesia as well.
"Ahhhh�I see that it's kicking in. Don't worry, dear. It won't be long now."
Jerry tried to get up but it seemed that all the strength had drained from his body. He couldn't even scream. The best he could do was a faint whimper.
He could see Maria bending down over him but his vision was fading. "What was that, dear? You apologize? Well, I don't know�that was a pretty nasty place you dumped me into."
There was nothing that Jerry could do. He could feel his consciousness leaving as a single tear rolled down his cheek and a final whimper came out. Before he passed out, he could have sworn that he heard Maria say, "Poor Jerry. You always were the easiest mark in town. It's so easy to trick you, it isn't even fun anymore."
***
Later, after he came back around, Jerry had no way of knowing if it were minutes, hours or even days later. He only knew that every muscle in his body ached from being slouched against the fridge. He had painfully gotten himself off the floor before he remembered what had happened just before he passed out. Both his heart and lungs seem to have remembered their jobs. He remembered seeing Maria as well, but he knew that was impossible, wasn't it? After all, she was safely put away, wasn't she? Perhaps he should check, just to make sure that she hadn't gotten away.
Jerry put on another pot of water to heat. As he waited, he looked for the small jar of instant coffee that he had been using before he passed out. He looked everywhere -- inside cabinets and drawers, beside the stove, even in the sink. He found it right where he had set it on the counter, right where he remembered Maria had stood. Had she really been there? Had she really smiled?
The pot began to whistle as he dumped another small mound of coffee into his old, battered cup. He smiled as the aroma of coffee bloomed. Yes, this is definitely better than that herbal crap, he thought to himself.
"Oh yeah, I was going to check on Maria."
Jerry picked up his cup and breathed in the steam rising as he reached for the fridge door. With the blast of cold air, a hand holding a glass jar (with its label reading 'organic oats' peeling back to read 'foxglove') fell into the floor. Yes, Maria seems to be all right. I really should switch to decaf, Jerry thought as he put the both Maria's arm and the jar back into the fridge. Those side effects are something else.
I guess I'm not the easiest mark in town after all, even I could tell the difference between the powered foxglove and oats. Who would have thought that her favorite part was the powdery bit in the bottom of the jar? I thought that oats were oats. So much for the slow approach and scaring her a bit.
All I wanted was a decent cup of coffee.
Page Copyright 2002 D. Firewolf
