2 a.m.
God, I hate feeling like this. I don't think my choice of music at the moment is helping much either (Opossum Kingdom - if you know the words, you understand. And at the moment, the answer is a frightening 'maybe'.)
Damn it, I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of pretending everything is great and wonderful when all I can think is, "Is this it? Is this all there is to life? What the hell did I do to end up here?"
At the risk of sounding extremely co-dependent, whiny and badly poetic...I need you, sweetheart ~ wherever you are. I need you here. I need you to hug me; kiss my forehead and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I need you to be strong when I'm not. I need you to need me to be strong when you're not. I need you to tell me wonderfully bad jokes and to know the value of spending an afternoon watching the clouds go by.
Mostly though, I just need to know that you're there for me. Wherever you are. I have to believe that there's someone else who believes in me.
(Will you play Ms. Vanhautan to my Bart Simpson?)
|
dressed up to the eyes
it's a wonderful surprise
to see your shoes and your spirits rise
throwing out your frown
and just smiling at the sound
and sleek as a shriek
spinning round and round
always take a big bite
it's such a gorgeous sight
to see you eat in the middle of the night
you can never get enough
enough of this stuff
it's friday
i'm in love!
~ 'Friday I'm in Love' , the Cure ~
|
it's a perfect day for getting wild
forgetting all your worries
life
and everything that makes you cry
let's get happy
it's a perfect day for dreams come true
for thinking big
and doing anything you want to do
let's get happy!
"doing the unstuck", The Cure
|
6:26 p.m.
Gee ~ I can't understand why I'm so tired. I can barely keep my eyes open after only 2 hours sleep. Good thing tomorrow's Saturday and next week is Spring Break.
God, I sounded so tragic this morning...well, I felt rather tragic for a while. Still, this entry reads as if I went from horribly tragic to earnestly yearning in about a nanosecond. It was actually more like three.
So...who is my sweetheart? I honestly don't know. That sounds strange, I know. I used to think that I'd be alright if I played hermit for the rest of my life but I'm no hermit. I need the interaction. I need some intimacy. I'm not even talking about sex. A touch; a look, a hug ~ that's a good start but not from just anybody...
Alrighty, I'm starting to ramble here. I think I'll take this subject up tomorrow when I've gotten my recharge.
Page Copyright 2002 D. Firewolf
