I didn't know what I was saying when I got out of bed this morning. I told Kitt that it would be a 'very interesting day'. Yes, the Chinese curse was in full effect today.
I finally made it to campus today to turn in all my fin aid paperwork...only to turn around and go back because I left my copy of my income tax return at home, on the table. The first lady just looked long enough to make sure that all the papers were there while the second looked with a fairly fine toothed comb. I ended up leaving with another form to fill out, stating how I've managed to get by on the incredibly meager income I listed. Since the lady caught herself starting to ask some very nosy and unofficial questions, I resisted the urge to say that I had a Sugardaddy and since I could get it without giving it, I was pimping him for what he was worth (thanks Ms. Cleo).
After that, I had a wonderful time at the bank. The ATM ate my card and said that the check I was trying to deposit was a bad transaction. When I go in to see what was going on, my teller ~ Ms. 18 and Fluffy ~ tells me that my account has been closed since November 15, due to a negative balance. In the end, after a brief and futile debate over who knew the most about my money I said, "So you're saying that you closed my account due to a negative balance."
"Yes."
"Thank you and goodbye."
So I have the weekend to gather the proof (ATM reciepts and the like) that I most definitely did not have a negative balance and when I have proved my case and have them jumping at my every command ~ I'm taking my meager earnings and going elsewhere. I even had to make a trip to my mom's house in case something showed up there, as it tends to do sometimes. Still, it was a good thing though ~ I always seem to feel the most alive during a lively fight...especially when I am dead certain that I am right (puns intended).
The part that left me feeling the most empowered was the discussion I had with my dad. After we talked about various and asundry things such as ley lines (interesting topic in itself ~ the bookstore I used to work in had one running diagonally through it). He had been reading my poor; pitiful, outdated pagan webpages and he had questions. I think he originally intended to see if he could 'bring me to the fold'. That's fine ~ as he pointed out, that's what his religion directs him to do. His first question was this: If you died tonight, where would you go? I had to have him clarify that a little bit. He wanted to know what I thought would happen.
Truth be told, I wasn't sure if he really wanted to hear what I thought ~ I'm so used to being thought of as the resident nutjob, I almost didn't know what to say.
I told him the truth: there would be a life review, where you wouldn't only see your life as you lived it but also as every person you ever come in contact with. You would see exactly how you impacted that person for good or ill. After that torturous process (especially with the ill parts), you move on to Heaven or whatever you want to call it to rest...before being 'shot back out' to the next life and next lessons to be learned, to which I added "which I hope isn't here but probably will be!".
His response? "You sure you're not a Mormon?" Hehehehehehe
The next questions were tougher to answer, simply because I had a hard time finding the words to explain such a big subject. Questions asking why be a witch and how I see the worlds from that standpoint. The state of my soul ~ especially whether it's 'at peace' (the answer is yes because death is nothing to fear...which reminds me ~ I need to ask whether he is prepared to give 'The Speech' to Granny when the time comes or if he wants me to do it. It's not an easy job to tell a dying person although they will be missed, those left behind will be okay and that it is alright to head 'home'. Still, it seems to be part of my job on this earth and as much bitching as I've done on the subject, I don't really mind...plus that's a topic for a whole 'nother journal entry.)
I ended up telling stories of some of my experiences to answer his questions. I could not find the words otherwise. I told the story of the time I did a journey to see god. I did. It was magnificent ~ I could see and be everything but whatever I experienced, however grand, was only a tiny part of what was really out there. The message was, for me, any label you try to put on 'WHATEVER' (of which god is a part) restricts your experience of such a grand and unfanthomable thing into a small box because of the preconceived notions that go with those labels. (It's quite like being in a duck blind and thinking what you see out the tiny window is the entire universe. Damn! I wish I thought of that earlier!)
One of the most interesting questions he asked came after I related some of my experiences. He asked if my experiences could be a manifestations of our Cherokee ancestry. It's very possible. It couldn't have hurt things any. He even admited to having some times where, when things get quiet and still, he could sense some things himself. (I knew that he couldn't be as psychically inert as he seemed...although there have several times where I've thought concrete was more sensitive!) I don't think it's the only answer though. My mom has started to show some interesting psychic feats of her own, with her interactions with little old women ghosts and all.
There was so much that was said tonight. I know I'm forgetting a ton of it. It was enlightening ~ I learned that don't mind being asked my thoughts on theological topics because I know where I stand and am not threatened by another's viewpoint. I learned that sometimes it is incredibly hard to put such big ideas into woefully inefficent verbal language. I learned that my dad isn't the hard man that he seems to be at times. I learned that we may actually be more like than it sometimes seems; although he is conservative and I have anarchic leanings.
Before he left, we both agreed that we needed to do this again. He said that he had other questions ~ and so do I.
That's enough for tonight. I need time to process.
Page Copyright 2002 D. Firewolf
